I’m Sad 3/18/07

Note: I kept kind of a prayer blog (before I was brave enough to really blog) on my computer and was re-reading some of them and thought I should post this one as it expresses so much of what we feel as Moms and maybe it might be meaningful to some of my readers.


3/18/07
I am feeling a bit sad. It has been so wonderful to have my family here at the ranch and now they have all gone home and I miss them. Such a bittersweet feeling I have. I know it is the way it must be, should be, but yet I miss them. I love each of them so much and so enjoy just being with them whether we are doing anything or not. I just love listening to them talk with one another or do whatever they are doing. I love listening to the little ones playing together--or chattering while they play alone. I just love knowing they are here with me, and safe, and healthy and we are all together again.
It is so true what my elders told me that your time raising your children passes so quickly yet while you are in the midst of it you think they will never grow up and be able to do things without your help or your presence and you yearn for some “alone” time or “free” time. Yet, I really have no regrets as I was so blessed to get to stay home with my children and be with them and spend time with them. I thank God for home schooling and the privilege that gave me of having my kids home all day and getting to be the major player in their education. Yes, I admit there were plenty of days when that school bus would pass at 7am and again at 4pm and I would day dream of what it would be like to have them on that bus and me be home alone all day. The house would really get cleaned and stay that way for more than an hour. I would get to work in my garden and read novels or something other than how to home school better, I could chat on the phone with my friends, go shopping, work on personal projects around the house, etc. etc. etc. But you know what, the few days that for whatever reason I did have to myself….they weren’t so great after all. I was so glad to be back in the routine of home schooling and child raising and homemaking. That is me. That is what I really wanted to be doing and where I fit. And we have so many wonderful memories from those times and I did do a good job and my kids and grandkids that I taught all turned out brilliant and to be great and wonderful people. I am blessed indeed. And I am so grateful most of them are happily married to wonderful people I love as much as them and have blessed me even more with adorable grandchildren. How could I ask for more? Yes, there are things that I could have done better and wished I had known sooner and changes I might have made but God is so wonderful at taking our mistakes and ignorance and turning them all into right results anyway. His timing and his ways are always right--it just takes us awhile to realize that.
So I just thank you, God, for blessing us with this ranch and giving us times like this week to be together and enjoy the ranch and one another. I love you so much, God, and I am so grateful you are “the boss of me” (to borrow a kid’s phrase). I want your will in all of our lives. I love you so much. 3/18/07

Walkin' Barefoot in the Creek

We got another big rain yesterday so the creek was scrubbed clean again. And today is so clear and sunny--I just took a barefoot walk in the creek. It just felt so good--it is so very pretty and tranquil compared to this time yesterday when it was a roaring river. I left early this morning for town as there was a big rummage sale at the catholic church. Traveling down the country road to town I spied a goat with its head stuck in the fence-(a victim of the grass is greener on the other side of fence mentality) so I stopped and wrestled with it a bit until I could set her free. It was just so nice to be out and about and to have the sun shining. Enjoyed the rummage sale but can’t say that I found any true “finds”. Then I went to Dooley’s Five and Dime store--a trip back to the past. My rule is if there is a parking place in front of Dooley’s, I stop, if not I go on. Fredericksburg is always crowded with tourists, especially on weekends, so I was fortunate indeed to find a space. I saw all sorts of cool things my grandkids would enjoy….but ended up just buying a new hummingbird feeder to replace my leaky one. Then I just had fun browsing the different shops along Main street. It was just a nice day. I do have to report about my call from Jenny who was lamenting that she somehow managed to flush her cell phone down the toilet. What can I say, it just runs in the family. The dog ate Troy’s phone, Don ran over his with the Marble Falls Fire Truck…….

A Mostly Sunny Day at the Ranch

I awakened to sunshine today. I was so excited I had my coffee and quiet time outside on the steps of the cabin. Everything looked so sparkly clean and the birds were singing. I had to make a quick trip to the feed store so I would have something to lure the livestock into the pens as the vet is coming on Thursday. On the way into town there was a beautiful double rainbow. I took several photos of it--so pretty up above the green fields and stone fences. Got back to the ranch and stopped at the pens to unload the feed and salt blocks---totally mucked up my good sneakers in the muddy pens--grass was thick and head high in the loading shute and "capture" pen so they will be totally useless, but got the rest of the pens set up and ready to entice the cows and horse into when they came down later on.
Then I just enjoyed a walk in the sun along the creek. It is so beautiful now that it was washed out and scrubbed clean by the drenching hard rains--it just sparkled. The water was so clear you could see all the little tadpoles, waterbugs, and baby frogs. The cats and dog even enjoyed walking in the creek and being out in the sun. We all just enjoyed sitting on a rock and feeling the warmth of the sun and enjoying the moment. Then all too quickly storm clouds began to gather and once again it was dark and stormy so we quickly headed back to the cabin. At least this was a shorter storm than yesterday and the sun reappeared in a few hours and stayed out for the rest of the day. I was even able to get a load of wash dry on the line!
I repaired the yard gates that had been falling apart every time I opened them. The goats and cows just love to rub their bodies along them as a scratching post and over the years it has taken its toll. I was proud of myself that I could rehang them so both gates swing easily without scraping the ground and falling off the hinges. But my big disappointment of the day was that the horse and cows never came down. They must have got wind that the vet was coming..... I walked up the hill a bit past the barn to look for them but it is just so darn muddy that walking is not at all pleasureable so I gave up. The vet is supposed to be here at 10 in the morning........I just pray they show up really early or else I will just have to cancel and I really wanted to get their shots and all done now--they are a couple of months overdue already and Sadie, the horse, does not look good at all.
Well, I am procrastinating by writing this blog. I am in the midst of a Defensive Driving course that I have to take online for Red Cross because we drive their vehicles. It really is pretty good and interesting but I would rather be reading my book.....but, I will be good and get at it RIGHT NOW----(just to get my husband(who already completed his) off my back)

Rainy Ranch

I am at the ranch alone for a few days and right now it there is a huge thunderstorm right over my cabin and a torrential downpour. The creek in front of the cabin is in flash flood stage and is roaring. I can almost see it rising. I came out here yesterday because I thought this week was going to be mostly sunny and not as much chance of rain. Silly me! I got here and just got through the ranch gates and to the cabin and unloaded my stuff when it let loose with a small thunder shower. Then it cleared up and the sun came out and I was so happy. Birdie (my parakeet who travels with me, along with two cats and an old dog) was delighted to be back on his bungie cord hangar on the porch getting to chat with all the wild birds. I got to work giving the cabin a good cleaning as it has been several months since we were here last. I must say it was rather hot and muggy--no AC here at the ranch. I got the cabin cleaned, ridded the frig of all the moldy, indistinguishable items, scrubbed the outdoor shower, swept the porch, and headed for Fredericksburg to buy some groceries and stuff. On my way to town, Don called me on my cell asking me where I had been that he had been trying to reach me all afternoon at the ranch and got no answer. Phone never rang was all I could tell him--he was so worried he almost called the neighbors to check on me. Then he could not understand how I could spend 3 hours at Walmart……That is hard to explain to a man but it is really no problem at all for me to spend 3 hours in Walmart or Target, etc. There were decisions to make and things to just look at and ponder over and after all, I just don’t know my way around the Walmart in Fredericksburg, and then I decided to just buy my groceries there instead of going to HEB and that took longer since I could not find things as easily. Anyway, finally got home and Don and I spent sometime on phone trying different things to see if we could get ranch phone to ring. I have no problem calling out but cannot tell when someone is calling me. Frankly, I kind of like this as I came to ranch alone just to get some time to myself so it is kinda nice……..But, I do want my loved ones to reach me so I turned in a report to the phone company.
Oh, my gosh, I just took a peak out the door at the creek and it is really raging--the water has risen nearly two feet(I have a certain rock ledge that I judge by) and it is whitecaps and rapids going down the creek. I could not get out of here if I wanted to as it must be two feet of very swift moving water going over the crossing to the gate. And the thunder is shaking the cabin. I have two, very nervous cats and a dog at my feet as I write this.
Before the rain this morning I was working some more on the front porch and lifted up a sheet which was covering an old stuffed chair. There were a bizillion Daddy Longleg spiders under the sheet--it was like a horror movie. Now, spiders do not normally bother me (as much as they do Jenny…..) but I DO NOT LIKE DADDY LONGLEGS. They just creep me out. So I grabbed the bug spray and murdered them, then got the leaf blower out and rid the porch of all their bodies. That only re-convinced me I need to get rid of these old stuffed chairs of my mother’s that I have kept on the porch and go to something more simple like a plain wooden rocker or Adirondack chairs so no creepy crawlers can sneak up on you.
I just did something stupid but could not help myself. Grabbed my umbrella and flip flops and went out in the storm to take photos of the creek. The rain didn’t bother me but the thunder and lightning did scare me a bit so I ran all around quickly getting as many views of creek as I could. Then, I noticed Alice, our deaf, blind, old dog heading right for the creek. She was looking for me I know and using her nose to find me since she cannot see well but I had left quite a zigzaggy trail. I could just see her slipping into the creek and being washed away forever so I yelled at the top of my lungs for her. She starts looking all around but cannot tell where the voice is coming from so I begin waving my bright, smiley face umbrella which she does not see either. Finally, I was able to get close enough to her to get her attention and head us both back into the cabin. I do think I got some good pictures. Rain is slowing down and thunder is becoming more distant. I had emptied the rain gauge this morning(6 inches, it was full to the brim) and in this 45 minutes of rain we got 2 inches of rain. This weather is crazy!
I do love being at the ranch. It is just so quiet and refreshing. I love hearing all the different sounds: the birds, crickets, roosters in the distance, cows mooing, the sound of a new kid calling for the mama goat, the sheep calling to each other, a dove’s gentle cooing, the sound of rain on a tin roof, bullfrogs at night, locusts humming, the light splashing of water moving down the creek, the buzz of mini-bombers as the hummingbirds squabble around the feeder, the snort of a deer, the call of a Bobwhite (not heard as often anymore; sad), a whipporwill at night, Birdie singing with joy, the tinkle of my wind chimes and the tinkle of the bell around the lead goat’s head, the clinking sound (like no other) of my mom’s old jello molds hanging around the kitchen window when the wind hits them just right, the buzz of a small plane going by (I used to run outside each time I heard one and wave in case it was my pilot son, Josh, flying over when he was an instructor in San Antonio). Sometimes I like to just sit outside and close my eyes and listen and try to identify all the different sounds I hear. Most of all it is so awesome just to hear quiet--that is almost a thing from the past. Have you ever noticed how truly quiet it is when the power goes off?? We get used to so many little background hums and sounds that it has become our norm. True silence is a delicacy to be relished, I think.

Sunshine

I miss the sun! Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for all the rain even if Marble Falls did get way more than it's share. But it is still raining, not hard, not all the time but a couple of showers at least daily and it is mostly cloudy and kinda gloomy. My body needs the sun. I just have less energy and almost feel depressed and just plain miss the warmth of the sun on my skin. It just does not seem like summer--at least not a normal central Texas summer. Yea, I know, last summer we would have given anything for a rainy day and a reprieve from the hot sun but I still have to say I miss clear sunshiny days. I must say the flowers are so pretty everywhere though--they sure have appreciated the moisture and are just bloomin' their little hearts out. Our backyard is like a jungle of vines and all those morning glory seeds I planted last summer are going crazy with gorgeous deep blue blooms. The sunflowers in the barnyard are as tall as the barn and the crepe myrtles and purple sage are outstanding. I guess I have cheered myself up just thinking about all the flowers that would normally be drooping and dying by this time of year. I love flowers and have had so much fun just taking pictures of them. Partly to practice using all the different settings on my camera and partly just to have a collection of pretty photos on my computer to cheer me up when I need it. I just thank you, God, for all the different days you give us--the hot, dry, sunny ones, the cloudy, drizzly ones, the wild, electrical, stormy ones, and the crisp, clear, azure blue sky ones. I will rejoice and be glad for each and every day.

My Very First Blog

Since I love reading my daughter's blog I thought I would try it myself. Sometimes there are so many thoughts and ideas rolling around in my head that I would just like to get out. I just hope I can find the time and that my ramblings are somewhat coherent.
It is good to be home, to have time to catch up on normal life kind of things. We are Red Cross Disaster volunteers and have been away from home so much this year on various disasters around the country. The most recent being the Texas floods. After living in motel rooms and a Red Cross truck for over three weeks my house feels so big and roomy. And it is so good to see our cats and dogs and all my plants. And the best thing of all was to have Jenny and Mason come visit for several days. I loved it!! Mason and I spent time catching frogs and grasshoppers. And it is so neat that he loves swimming in the same ole stock tank that his mom spent many a summer day splashing and playing in. And I enjoyed being with Jenny and just getting to talk and talk. The long drive to the wedding in Waco went by so quickly as we chatted away. And then the wedding, what wonderful memories it evoked as we met and talked with old friends from our past. Why is it that your friend's children always astonish you when you see them grown up yet you know your own children are their same age? It is like in my mind they are still the same age the last time I saw them. But it is so wonderful to see how they have blossomed into such wonderful young adults. Life does go on and I am so glad for weddings, graduations, and even funerals that bring old friends back together again. How blessed I am to have lived in the same place for nearly 30 years and to have raised my 7 + kids in the same home. God is so good. I will end this post now as I can tell I am about to get carried away so will save the rest for other blogs.