I am having a hard time getting back in sync with life since the holidays. Just feel overwhelmed with so much to do...so much more I want to do. I feel likely house is always in need of cleaning. I'm sick of dust, dust , dust....and dust bunnies lurking in every corner. It is never ending. I want to just have free time to sit down and read my seed Catalogs and gardening books...or just read for pleasure. But every time I start to do it a hundred things crowd my mind with what I SHOULD BE DOING. Stuff like getting papers ready for tax lady, calling someone, cleaning up something......I just feel I have lost the ability to relax.
But one of the things bugging me the most is my Tidbits from Gema email I send out daily. I love doing it...and do feel it is God-inspired and a worthwhile effort. It has caused me to grow if nothing else. But then, those voices in my head keep taunting me with comments like: who do you think you are? Who cares what you have to say....they are laughing at you; embarrassed by you; sick of you. You are turning people away from God....they don't want to hear all this spiritual stuff....and who cares what you did yesterday, or what the weather is like or what you think of anything. They just sigh and hit the delete button. You are wrong to force it upon them by sending emails. Most people just blog then others have a choice to read or not. You are just making a fool of yourself and embarrassing your family.
Seriously, I struggle with this daily. And I know who is whispering in my ear. I know the last thing the devil wants me to do is share God's word and try to lead others to Him. I know, I know.....but it still hurts. It hurts that some of those I am the very closest to have never even commented about them one way or the other. Are they just too busy and that's all? Have they never taken the time or interest to read just one? After all, Julie, you began this with the intention of just helping your kids who are so busy with their lives and raising kids by sending them some uplifting encouraging scriptures and words each morning. I don't expect comments like you do on a blog. But oh, how much I desire some kind of feedback just now and then. Negative feed back is fine....I definitely want to know if I offend or anger someone.....or what ever. I want accountability. I want suggestions about anything. I am open. I want to be told to take them off my list if they just don't have time and are tired of me cluttering up their inbox. So this is one BIGGIE that flutters my mind up. My goal for my Tidbits was to share a bit of myself....how I feel and think and see the world and what has helped me, what delights me or saddens me with my kids and grand kids. For them to know me better. And to share my faith and help others grow In their faith. To reach those on my list who do not know Jesus and are on the path to hell. To lift up, edify, cause a giggle or a smile, encourage those of us who do know the Lord in our everyday struggles. When I go back and re-read my tidbits I feel satisfied and that I am accomplishing my goals. So why, oh why, do I let the devil win and drag me down? Help.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Lost dog
As we were driving down a road to check on two families whose homes burned this little dog was trotting down the road. She looked just like my old dog Crackers. We stopped and picked her up as there are many pets that got separated from their owners dung the wildfires. We had eaten breakfast at the Bluebonnet that morning and I had saved a pice of toast and a piece of bacon which she wolfed down in no time---and drank a bowl of water. We took her to the local vet and then posted notices at all the local stores and the disaster centers. I wanted to keep her if no one claimed her even if she did look like she was over 12 years old.
So last night I got a call from the owner. What a weird story she had to tell. She was not a fire victim but this dog belonged to her mother in law who had recently entered a nursing home so she had only had the dog for 3 weeks. The day we found her she had left for a lunch date and guessed the dog tried to follow her car. The next day she is in the dentist office and begins to chat with another lady in the waiting room who works at the vet office. That lady mentioned how they had ben getting in many pets due to the fire. So the owner said that she was missing her dog and described her and discovered it was Pupkin. So dog and owner are happily back together again and the nice owner made a donation to Red Cross in our name. What a great ending!
paranoia
We have been working in the midst of the wildfires that destroyed over 46 homes in Spicewood. You just cannot imagine the devastation. Nothing but ashes....and an occasional chimney---and maybe some tin from the roof. Many of these were nice, big, stone homes. You know what is strange---you never see a toilet or a bathtub--not ever---where did they go? And often you do not even see burnt appliances like freezers and fridges and washers--they are just gone. People needed sifters so Home Depot made a bunch of them to give away and it is amazing the things people have found sifting through the ashes. Our friend found a gold piece that had been in her family for generations---was kept hidden back when the government confiscated all the gold and passed down through the generations. How thrilled she was when she found that.
The land is nothing but ashes and sticks. Like a moonscape or something. I cannot even imagine how hot that fire must have been. It was a crazy fire being whipped about by tropical storms winds. It did not behave as most wildfires. One of the guys we talked to literally had to outrun it.....he was sound asleep with TV going when sheriff came around sounding the alarm to evacuate, woke up with a wall of fire coming towards him and he had no transportation so started running. Thankfully the last fire engine out---fire engines were running from the fire---that tells you how bad it was---they picked him up and had to drive through a wall of fire to get out. Lots of harrowing stories but miraculously no one lost their life.
We have met the greatest people--and are amazed at their resilience and good attitude. And so many volunteers out in force helping folks clean up their places and bringing food and water. Red Cross is not really needed because the community is doing an awesome job of caring for their own. It is heart warming. We hear so much negative stuff on the news but I have to tell you there are lots of really good people out there. And you cannot judge "a book by its cover". We have met the greatest people whose appearance might make you be wary but who have hearts of gold and a soul of integrity. I have been blessed doing casework on all these people. We have worked hard and combed the area not wanting to miss anyone who might need help. But I must say these people have their priorites in order----it is just stuff. Yes, they are sad to lose precious photos and jewels and money and documents but they realize that it is lives that are most important. And then there is the survivor guilt----some houses right in the midst of the fire were untouched---it was like a fickle tornado---destroy one, leave the one next door untouched and who knows why.
So back to my paranoia----top on my list after live things to grab if we had to evacuate suddenly is the photo album Jenny made me of our family. It is so precious to me. I keep it in a drawer as we have noticed in the many house fires we go to for Red Cross that stuff in a cabinet or drawer often is salvageable after a fire. But let me say----we have seen many,many house fires and they were no where near as devasting as these wildfires. A drawer will not save anything in a wildfire. So today I set the photo album on the hood of the car outside in daylight--a cloudy day---and took photographs of each page. At least I would have that as I plan to upload it to Shutterfly and back it up on my hard disk plus they are on my ipad which is always with me. I feel better now.
We had a Red Cross friend who lost her home in the Bastrop fire. Don is helping her to clean up with his Bobcat. Today he cut his arm on jagged piece of sheet metal and is at hospital in Smithville getting stitches as I write this. We have worked with Red Cross for the last 10 days but left the job yesterday because I just need a break. I am exhausted. We came straight off of the floods in NY for hurricane Irene to this wildfire. I have been in a car all day for over a month and I just need rest and family and order and time with my dogs. It is so good to have just been home all day today and clean house and get my life back into some semblance of order. I need that. But there is still so much work to do at Red Cross so I am sure we will go back and help out. But I struggle, I want to help out, but i yearn to just be home, back in my simple routine, to do chores, to cook meals, to go to Bible study and home group, to walk my dogs. Am I selfish to want these things? it is so hard to achieve balance sometimes.
The land is nothing but ashes and sticks. Like a moonscape or something. I cannot even imagine how hot that fire must have been. It was a crazy fire being whipped about by tropical storms winds. It did not behave as most wildfires. One of the guys we talked to literally had to outrun it.....he was sound asleep with TV going when sheriff came around sounding the alarm to evacuate, woke up with a wall of fire coming towards him and he had no transportation so started running. Thankfully the last fire engine out---fire engines were running from the fire---that tells you how bad it was---they picked him up and had to drive through a wall of fire to get out. Lots of harrowing stories but miraculously no one lost their life.
We have met the greatest people--and are amazed at their resilience and good attitude. And so many volunteers out in force helping folks clean up their places and bringing food and water. Red Cross is not really needed because the community is doing an awesome job of caring for their own. It is heart warming. We hear so much negative stuff on the news but I have to tell you there are lots of really good people out there. And you cannot judge "a book by its cover". We have met the greatest people whose appearance might make you be wary but who have hearts of gold and a soul of integrity. I have been blessed doing casework on all these people. We have worked hard and combed the area not wanting to miss anyone who might need help. But I must say these people have their priorites in order----it is just stuff. Yes, they are sad to lose precious photos and jewels and money and documents but they realize that it is lives that are most important. And then there is the survivor guilt----some houses right in the midst of the fire were untouched---it was like a fickle tornado---destroy one, leave the one next door untouched and who knows why.
So back to my paranoia----top on my list after live things to grab if we had to evacuate suddenly is the photo album Jenny made me of our family. It is so precious to me. I keep it in a drawer as we have noticed in the many house fires we go to for Red Cross that stuff in a cabinet or drawer often is salvageable after a fire. But let me say----we have seen many,many house fires and they were no where near as devasting as these wildfires. A drawer will not save anything in a wildfire. So today I set the photo album on the hood of the car outside in daylight--a cloudy day---and took photographs of each page. At least I would have that as I plan to upload it to Shutterfly and back it up on my hard disk plus they are on my ipad which is always with me. I feel better now.
We had a Red Cross friend who lost her home in the Bastrop fire. Don is helping her to clean up with his Bobcat. Today he cut his arm on jagged piece of sheet metal and is at hospital in Smithville getting stitches as I write this. We have worked with Red Cross for the last 10 days but left the job yesterday because I just need a break. I am exhausted. We came straight off of the floods in NY for hurricane Irene to this wildfire. I have been in a car all day for over a month and I just need rest and family and order and time with my dogs. It is so good to have just been home all day today and clean house and get my life back into some semblance of order. I need that. But there is still so much work to do at Red Cross so I am sure we will go back and help out. But I struggle, I want to help out, but i yearn to just be home, back in my simple routine, to do chores, to cook meals, to go to Bible study and home group, to walk my dogs. Am I selfish to want these things? it is so hard to achieve balance sometimes.
Sent from my iPad
Monday, September 12, 2011
Keepsakes
The other day I decided to go around and take photos of my house for insurance purposes. These wildfires have affected me. I feel vulnerable. But as I was taking photographs, I decided to also go around and take photos of all the little keepsakes that mean so much to me. Then, if they were to all burn up or blow away in a tornado, at least I would have a photo. Somehow this just gave me peace. So the following pics are just some of my favorite keepsakes. But if you know me well.........you know they are just the tip of the iceberg. I can barely toss out anything from a family member or a treasure that reminds me of a special trip or time. Yeah, I like stuff. I get very attached to stuff. It brings me pleasure to look at something I have saved and relive that memory.....or think of the person who gave it to me.
And I'm just saying.......everyone should do a photo inventory of their home......just in case of disaster......and just to remember things by.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Biscuit Queen
This is the painting my husband gave me for my birthday. A replica of the scene that greeted me each and every day at 5am when I arrived for work at Atwwod's Cafe. I just love it and was so surprised. It was painted by a loyal customer of many years. What a perfect gift and keepsake. Thank you, Don, you did good!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
The Old Front Porch
This post was found on another blog I read called: Chickens in the Road. It expressed my thoughts so well I thought I would use it in my blog. Hope you enjoy.
Vote Front Porch
Take a drive down any one-lane country road dotted with century-old homes then swing through a modern suburban neighborhood and you’ll see one glaring difference—the front porch, or lack thereof. The front porch as we know it is a purely American creation, meaning it was the combination of cultural influences from the architectural heritages of a number of countries. The result was our classic understanding of a front porch as a transitional space between the family’s private interior and the free-for-all exterior. The front porch, by its very nature, is public, open and welcoming. It’s been replaced today by the back patio or deck, which is, in contrast, private, exclusive, by invitation only. Front porches started disappearing as a common architectural element around the end of World War II as air conditioning started appearing. People didn’t need to sit outside to be cool. But the front porch isn’t only about the shade. The front porch is a way of life. The front porch creates a bridge between the home and the community. Whether it’s a wave to a passing neighbor’s car, or whether that passing neighbor pulls over and comes up to sit a spell, the front porch welcomes interaction and connection. It’s sociable and inclusive. The front porch never knew a stranger. It encourages down time with its rocking chairs and porch swings, fosters conversation, and offers a view not a television. Few modern homes are built with spacious porches anymore. If a newer home has a porch, it’s more likely a small, “decorative” porch, just big enough for a rocking chair from Pier 1 and a few perfect-looking planters, certainly not enough room for half a dozen neighbors to stop by and everyone have a seat while they shoot the breeze. In fact, we really don’t want our neighbors to stop by, especially if unannounced, and if they do, we don’t want them to stay long enough to sit down. Did we become this way because we stopped building front porches, or did we stop building front porches to foster more private lives? It’s a chicken and egg question, but either way, the disappearance of the front porch has had a huge impact on the way we live and connect with our neighbors, an impact that trickles through society in layer upon layer. I found out firsthand how much it costs to put on an old-fashioned front porch when we built our new “old” farmhouse a few years ago. It’s no wonder people today are unlikely to put their resources into a front porch, but it’s a value I haven’t regretted. Even secluded and surrounded by trees as we are, I can see the road and the river, making me feel connected with the small country community around us. Neighbors stop by and the transitional space of the big front porch offers an easy place to invite them into with its informality and lack of pressure. It’s a setting that demands freedom and relaxation, providing an atmosphere and a tone that no indoor space—or back deck—can recreate. If it’s true that all good things come back around, maybe the classic American front porch will make a comeback. As with anything, supply is all about demand. The next time you buy or build a house, “Vote Front Porch.” Your country is depending on you.
Vote Front Porch
Take a drive down any one-lane country road dotted with century-old homes then swing through a modern suburban neighborhood and you’ll see one glaring difference—the front porch, or lack thereof. The front porch as we know it is a purely American creation, meaning it was the combination of cultural influences from the architectural heritages of a number of countries. The result was our classic understanding of a front porch as a transitional space between the family’s private interior and the free-for-all exterior. The front porch, by its very nature, is public, open and welcoming. It’s been replaced today by the back patio or deck, which is, in contrast, private, exclusive, by invitation only. Front porches started disappearing as a common architectural element around the end of World War II as air conditioning started appearing. People didn’t need to sit outside to be cool. But the front porch isn’t only about the shade. The front porch is a way of life. The front porch creates a bridge between the home and the community. Whether it’s a wave to a passing neighbor’s car, or whether that passing neighbor pulls over and comes up to sit a spell, the front porch welcomes interaction and connection. It’s sociable and inclusive. The front porch never knew a stranger. It encourages down time with its rocking chairs and porch swings, fosters conversation, and offers a view not a television. Few modern homes are built with spacious porches anymore. If a newer home has a porch, it’s more likely a small, “decorative” porch, just big enough for a rocking chair from Pier 1 and a few perfect-looking planters, certainly not enough room for half a dozen neighbors to stop by and everyone have a seat while they shoot the breeze. In fact, we really don’t want our neighbors to stop by, especially if unannounced, and if they do, we don’t want them to stay long enough to sit down. Did we become this way because we stopped building front porches, or did we stop building front porches to foster more private lives? It’s a chicken and egg question, but either way, the disappearance of the front porch has had a huge impact on the way we live and connect with our neighbors, an impact that trickles through society in layer upon layer. I found out firsthand how much it costs to put on an old-fashioned front porch when we built our new “old” farmhouse a few years ago. It’s no wonder people today are unlikely to put their resources into a front porch, but it’s a value I haven’t regretted. Even secluded and surrounded by trees as we are, I can see the road and the river, making me feel connected with the small country community around us. Neighbors stop by and the transitional space of the big front porch offers an easy place to invite them into with its informality and lack of pressure. It’s a setting that demands freedom and relaxation, providing an atmosphere and a tone that no indoor space—or back deck—can recreate. If it’s true that all good things come back around, maybe the classic American front porch will make a comeback. As with anything, supply is all about demand. The next time you buy or build a house, “Vote Front Porch.” Your country is depending on you.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Peace
We are at the ranch, Don and I. It is hot, very hot, over 100 hot and we have been chasing sheep and goats all day. We are sweaty, bloody, bandaids all over our hands, exhausted, dirty and dusty, but thankful we got the job done. We caught and hauled 39 sheep and goats to the auction. We hate being forced to sell animals we have raised for years but the severe drought has taken it's toll on our land and there is nothing to eat. And feed and hay prices are exorbitant. So we did what we had to do and are glad it is done.
It is after dark now but the bright moon is casting moon-shadows and the stars are plentiful. There is a nice cool breeze and the tinkling of the many wind chimes adds to the buzzing and chirping of the night insects. I just showered and scrubbed myself clean in our wonderful outdoor shower and now I am soaking up the peace around me in our big metal stock tank filled with very cold fresh well water. So cold it takes courage to climb in but oh, so worth it. I sit and cool my body down and drink in the peaceful night. Peace, pure peace. I just want to savor this moment. Thank you, Lord, for moments like these. I am blessed indeed.
Note: I am just learning how to post from my iPad and how to add photos to my blog from my iPad. There should be another photo to go with this blog but I don't know if it will be added here or in a separate post. Please bear with me til I get the hang of this.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
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