Struggling

I am having a hard time getting back in sync with life since the holidays. Just feel overwhelmed with so much to do...so much more I want to do. I feel likely house is always in need of cleaning. I'm sick of dust, dust , dust....and dust bunnies lurking in every corner. It is never ending. I want to just have free time to sit down and read my seed Catalogs and gardening books...or just read for pleasure. But every time I start to do it a hundred things crowd my mind with what I SHOULD BE DOING. Stuff like getting papers ready for tax lady, calling someone, cleaning up something......I just feel I have lost the ability to relax.


But one of the things bugging me the most is my Tidbits from Gema email I send out daily. I love doing it...and do feel it is God-inspired and a worthwhile effort. It has caused me to grow if nothing else. But then, those voices in my head keep taunting me with comments like: who do you think you are? Who cares what you have to say....they are laughing at you; embarrassed by you; sick of you. You are turning people away from God....they don't want to hear all this spiritual stuff....and who cares what you did yesterday, or what the weather is like or what you think of anything. They just sigh and hit the delete button. You are wrong to force it upon them by sending emails. Most people just blog then others have a choice to read or not. You are just making a fool of yourself and embarrassing your family.
Seriously, I struggle with this daily. And I know who is whispering in my ear. I know the last thing the devil wants me to do is share God's word and try to lead others to Him. I know, I know.....but it still hurts. It hurts that some of those I am the very closest to have never even commented about them one way or the other. Are they just too busy and that's all? Have they never taken the time or interest to read just one? After all, Julie, you began this with the intention of just helping your kids who are so busy with their lives and raising kids by sending them some uplifting encouraging scriptures and words each morning. I don't expect comments like you do on a blog. But oh, how much I desire some kind of feedback just now and then. Negative feed back is fine....I definitely want to know if I offend or anger someone.....or what ever. I want accountability. I want suggestions about anything. I am open. I want to be told to take them off my list if they just don't have time and are tired of me cluttering up their inbox. So this is one BIGGIE that flutters my mind up. My goal for my Tidbits was to share a bit of myself....how I feel and think and see the world and what has helped me, what delights me or saddens me with my kids and grand kids. For them to know me better. And to share my faith and help others grow In their faith. To reach those on my list who do not know Jesus and are on the path to hell. To lift up, edify, cause a giggle or a smile, encourage those of us who do know the Lord in our everyday struggles. When I go back and re-read my tidbits I feel satisfied and that I am accomplishing my goals. So why, oh why, do I let the devil win and drag me down? Help.